What do you see when you look in the mirror? What do you believe in? Has it shaped your views and values in your life? What do you tell yourself when you look at the face staring back at you? Do you see someone amazing who can take on the world, or do you say things to yourself that you would never think of saying to another person? Why do we treat ourselves so differently than we treat other people? Do you find that how you see yourself limits what you can do because life has beaten you up and old failures keep on popping up to tell you why you can never do what you dream of? Do you maybe not even see yourself anymore, you see the people around you that are so much better than you and spend all of your time wishing you could be them? Why is what you see when you look in the mirror often so incredibly different to what others see when they see you?

I am a constant work in progress. This year I have really been working hard on loving who I am as a person and realising that just as I am with all of my faults, failings, limitations, past hurts, and battlescars I am enough. I don't have to be more because I am good enough. Some people reading this won't know me but for those of you who do, you know that I am a perfectionist....I am also a scatterbrain at times, which is a terrible combination because it produces a cycle of trying to get it all perfect, spacing out completely and forgetting to do one small part of the task I am attempting or getting interrupted and going off on a tangent, then realising that it wasn't perfectly the way I wanted it and then beating myself up and trying to be perfect next time. It's exhausting, time consuming and ultimately, not productive. Am I saying stop where you are don't work on yourself because you are good enough as is? No of course not. There is nothing wrong with working on areas we know we have weaknesses in. For example, I have committed to making sure I use a diary every single day this year and write it all down to try to work on the scatterbrain thing. I have actually done really well with this goal, not perfectly but 95 percent there...maybe next years goal will be to always remember to take said diary with me so that I can actually check it when out. What I am saying is that your weaknesses are just as much a part of you as your strengths. They work together with your strengths to make you the person that you are and the people who love you wouldn't have you any other way. You would be amazed how much more help you can be to people out of your areas of weakness than out of your areas of strength. Sometimes people struggling with something just need to know that you feel their pain and you have to work hard on that issue as well.

Failure, useless, moron, stupid, ugly.....those are some of the milder insults I have thrown at myself over the years, yet I can't even imagine what I would do if I found out someone was using those words against my daughter, my husband, or a loved one. When we hear someone using those words against someone else, even if it is someone we don't know, it is not acceptable. But yet, we still think it is okay to refer to ourselves in that way and to call ourselves nasty things. The end result of continuing to devalue our worth and looking in the mirror and constantly seeing someone who is no good, who can't measure up, someone who will never make anything of themselves is that not only are we limiting our own potential, we are showing other people what we will accept that criticism from them. If we think we are worthless, useless, and hopeless when something goes wrong, instead of applying some perspective to the situation and seeing the incident for what it is, we begin to think of the situation in light of how we see our self- '"of course that didn't work out, why would I think I could achieve anything at all, of course this or that happened, nothing good will ever happen to someone as hopeless as me"....sound familiar at all? Another thing we do when we constantly put ourselves down is that when other people treat us badly, instead of standing up and saying you know what, that isn't okay, please don't talk to me like that, we allow it. We allow people to put us down, misuse us, abuse us and generally treat us badly because constant negative self talk creates a cycle where we don't think we are worth being treated well.

Comparing myself to other people is a big one for me. I have spent a lot of time over the years thinking, "if only I could be like that person, they seem to have heaps of money", or, "if only my life was like theirs, they seem to have everything together". It achieves nothing. It stops you from reaching your goals because you constantly comparing your progress to other peoples. I will let you in on a little secret- for every person you are saying that about, someone is saying that about you. We never ever see ourselves how someone else sees us, all we see is the pain, failures, and stuff ups in our lives. The people who look like they have it all together, they don't, they are just like you- struggling through daily life with the same insecurities, issues, and problems as you have. People go through far more than we ever see on the surface. For all you know, the people who you admire from afar with a gorgeous house, nice cars, full time jobs, and no children are not without children by choice. Unless you know someone intimately and are involved in their lives, we never truly know their lives and comparing ourselves will always leave us feel like a second rate copy. Be you. Be you in all your glory, with all your amazing talents and all your challenging weaknesses and imperfections. Be the best you that you can be every day and don't try to be someone else. If you fail today, acknowledge and tell yourself, "well, that sucked and really wasn't my finest moment, but tomorrow I am going to get up and give it another crack".

Do you think maybe the reason why what other people see when they look at us is so different to what we see when we look at ourselves is because they are actually looking at us as a person and we are looking at all our stuff and not at who we are as a person at all? When you look in the mirror, see you, see who you are. I look in the mirror and I see a tall woman, who is older than she would like, funny, feisty, generous, caring, tough, persistent, a fighter, and a strong minded person. I also see someone who is loyal, loves fiercely and is protective of those around her, I see someone who is slightly scatterbrained, I see someone who loves God, I see someone who is outgoing in the right circumstances, but also is quite happy to stay in the background, I see a photographer, I see someone who struggles with meeting new people, who has a tendency to put her foot in her mouth, but who is generally kind, I see a woman who can be quite savage and at times really needs to engage her brain before she opens her mouth, I see someone who has fought an incredible number of challenges and is still standing, I see someone who has great intentions but at times doesn't quite meet up to them, I see a hard worker and a person who tries to live with integrity, I see a person with a strong sense of justice. I see a mother, wife and stepmom, I see an ex wife. There are so many things that make up that woman that I am, there are so many parts and pieces that fit together to make me the person that I am. What I don't see is the sum of my stuff, I do not see an aneurysm, a divorce, a fight with my husband, jobs...those are things that have shaped my life and helped make me who I am but they are events- not the person that is me.

Throughout my journey - this year in particular, I have started trying to change my negative self talk. If I find myself going you are a moron, I try to catch the thought and tell myself, no I am not a moron, I may not have done that particularly well but I am going to try that again. It is hard and I certainly haven't one hundred percent succeeded in stopping a pattern that has developed over twenty years or more, but I am working on it. I have noticed some changes, I am not as quick to tell myself how much I suck now, I am definitely in a better place with how I see myself and my value and worth and a person. The other thing that has helped me as well is really listening to other people. Listening to what they say to me and the the words that they are saying, if someone compliments me, I say thanks instead of no way, me, you have to be kidding. If someone gives me a compliment, I let it sink in and try to take it on board instead of brushing it off in embarrassment. I try to say you know what, that's true I am good at that, or I did do that well. People value us more than we know and generally they aren't just running around telling us things we want to hear for the sake of it. If someone says something nice to you, take it, accept it, use it and don't say thanks out loud while in your head thinking aaaah but if they really knew me. Compliment other people, take your head out of your own space for a minute and think about how much difference you could make to someone's world just by saying a kind word to them. Aside from anything else, that will take the focus away from your issues and self hatred and help you to see other people around you. It is really hard to focus on how much you hate yourself and what a horrid person you are when you are doing things to focus specifically on other people and where they are at.

Thanks for having a read. If you struggle with self worth issues and negative self talk try starting somewhere, put a simple statement on your mirror that says I am amazing. Type it or write it out, stick it up there and when you get ready every day read it out loud. Yes that's right, out loud. Right out loud in your own voice so that everyone or no-one can hear you depending who is home. We tend to take in more by the spoken word. Once you have worked out you are amazing, change the saying to something else. It is a small thing to do but every big journey starts with a small step in the right direction.