In last week's blog, All In I talked about being all in. One of the things I talked about was how the hard times in our lives could make us scared to move forward and take risks. It got me thinking about how we handle it when people are in a hard time. When people are going through a rough situation, often I think the church community struggles to know how to deal with it in a natural, supportive way more than the wider community.
Romans 8:28 is a fantastic verse. It is incredible to know that God works all things together for good. Unfortunately, Romans 8:28 is a pretty good hindsight kind of verse. People who are standing in the middle of the ruin of their lives don't want to hear it at that exact moment. We have all been experienced not knowing what to say when we are standing with someone in extreme emotional pain. We feel like we have to say something, so we say, "God has a plan", or, "God works all things together for good", or "God's got this".
I am not saying that those things are wrong, or that they are not heartfelt. I do feel like the wider community is better at sitting in the ruins with someone and just being there in the pain. I sometimes think that within the church, we feel a responsibility to spin the situation in a positive light in the hopes it will somehow make the situation better. The reality is that whatever is going on, their world is ending at that moment. They need to be able to feel that. They need to know that the people around them can see their pain, still love them, and not have to fix it.
Romans 12:15 says, 'Celebrate with those who celebrate, and weep with those who grieve'
When my marriage ended, I had a newborn baby, a broken heart, no money, and I was grieving what seemed like endless amounts of intangible things. If one more person had told me God had a plan, I actually think I may have lost it completely. The things that actually helped me at that time in my life, that I still remember, were the people who put hands and feet to the word of God.
I remember the nonchristian landlord who rented a house to a single mum with a three-month-old and no job, even though wisdom said not to. I remember the people that donated a queen sized bed to a stranger because they heard of a need. What they didn't know was that I couldn't afford to furnish a house and I had prayed for a queen sized bed and told no-one. I remember people having me over until midnight to play cards because they understood I hadn't lived alone before, and it was scary.
If you hear that someone is having a difficult time - support them in practical ways. Look out for opportunities to make a meal, look after the kids, clean the house, drive them somewhere - the list goes on. I know there are times that I have been led to buy or provide the strangest things for people, and when I have given it to them, it has meant the world.
I think Romans 8:28 is a personal thing. It is part of the healing process, and a verse that as people are walking through their situation and rebuilding their lives, they can look back and see the places where God has worked. In my last piece, I talked about a business that failed. It was a long time before I could look at that and see God working it for good. All I saw was a failure.
Later that year, around five months after the business closed, I had a brain aneurysm. It involved almost three weeks in the hospital, and it was at least two months before I was feeling anything like myself again. The aneurysm happened eleven weeks before I married my second husband.
Looking back at all of that, I can see that although I didn't want the shop to close and I was devastated at the time, there would have been absolutely no way that my family could have handled my daughter, the business, me in hospital, as well as final wedding preparations and my recovery at home.
Just be there for people. Be practical, be helpful, and be useful. Don't tell them it will be okay, even though you know it probably will be. Sit with them in their mess and just be. Sometimes that's all they need. Sometimes they need to know you love them exactly as you find them. Exactly the way God loves us.