Control is such an interesting word with so many connotations, both good and some bad. We can have things under control, lose control, be controlled, be controlling, take control, be a control freak, and give God control. What does it even mean to give God control? I struggle in this area because I like control. I don't like handing things over to God and leaving them there. One of my worst habits is handing them over, panicking when things are scary, and taking them back again.

We have such a gracious God. Some days I have no problem letting Him have total control. I am at peace, and I don't worry or struggle. Other days I wake up at 3am and lie in bed staring at the ceiling, trying to turn my brain off.

I know I am not trusting God in an area when I am worrying excessively. I overthink to the extreme, and I play out all the scenarios in my mind. Personally, this then manifests in physical illness. I don't eat when I am like this, because my stomach is all knotted, and I feel nauseous.

The key for me is to pray every time I catch myself worrying. Every time I catch myself rearranging the scenario in my head over and over again, I turn that to prayer. Even if I have had to do that 1000 times by the end of a day, God doesn't get sick of hearing from us. He knows us and our struggles so intimately. Just tell Him about it.

If I am saying that God is in control in every single area of my life, then that means I need to trust him with all of it. He knows what is best for me even when the prayer I prayed isn't answered the way I think it should have been. He has my best at heart in every situation, no matter what storm I am in the middle of.

Picking and choosing the situations that He is in control of is not something that will draw you closer to Him. It isn't something that will have any beneficial effect on your day-to-day worries. We can't say, "Yes God, you can run this area of my life, but over here, well, I have got this under control so you can go away now". God is interested in every area of our life.

Luke 12:7 says 'The very hairs on your head are all numbered, don't be afraid: you are worth more than many sparrows.'. Does that sound like a God who is not interested in the intimate details of your life?

One thing that I have found is I have a much easier time resting in His peace and actually leaving it with God when I am spending time with Him daily. A relationship with God is like any other relationship. The more time you spend together, the more intimately you know His character. The more you understand His plans for you and how deeply He loves and cares for you. I need to be having that time with Him in worship, having devotions, so that I can see His heart for me. When I am consistent with that, I can hand over the things that are worrying me. I can trust His plan for me is good, even when it seems as though my world is out of control.

In Sitting In The Ruin, I talked a little bit about Romans 8:28, which is about God working all things together for good for those who love him according to his purpose. Somehow, when growing up in the church, I got my theology a little mixed up and decided that when you are a Christian, you have a good life.

That had been my experience until my early twenties when my life fell apart and I was left trying to piece it all together. Suddenly my life wasn't looking so great and according to the belief system I created for myself, I decided God was punishing me. To me that was the only thing that made any sense to my analytical brain.

I had to work through it all (it took around three years) and work out what I believed and why I believed it. My relationship with God had to be my own, not my parent's, my husband's, or anyone else's. Sometimes, when you have been in the church a long time, it is easy to accept everything you hear. We have to continue to search and explore and learn more about God for ourselves. He will always meet you where you are.

I didn't fully trust God because I had lost sight of who he was. I didn't fully trust him because I had been hurt by people and the church, and I lumped God into the same category. Ultimately my flawed view of God was the reason I was unable to give him full control over my life and every area.

What Romans 8:28 says is, 'God works all things together for good'. It doesn't say that everything is going to be amazing all the time. However, we can trust that when we give God full control in every situation and area, He can work. We can look back, see His hand in the situation, and see miracles in hindsight that we didn't see at the time.